I am tired of the pain.  I am glad it isn't constant right now.  But it is only "not" constant because I am not working.  It was constant when I was.  Can't go too long without income, though.  Just don't know what to do.  I am trying very hard to have faith. 

No matter what... since I made that decision in April of 1995, I have lived.  It hasn't always be easy and it hasn't always been fun... but I chose to live and life is a whole basket of experiences. 

I have loved more than I thought I ever would... and I am glad for that... even though it didn't last.  I have met some of the most amazing people in the world.  I am glad that I am back in New Jersey... don't know why I love this place, but I do.  I didn't pick it out as a place to live... ended up here quite accidentally in 1986.  I sure hope I can stay.