I am sick of being sick. First is was a sore throat that came and went. It started when I moved to NJ at the end of August 2011.  At times it was pretty bad. But I put it off to allergies. I had moved into a house with 3 cats and over the years I must have developed an allergy to them...

But then I moved into a house with no cats.  And my throat still hurt.  Not as much, not as often but it was still there.

THEN I finally moved into the apartment where I live now.  Ok, it was pretty dirty when I moved in.  AND a week later I started a new job, in a new industry working a "normal" schedule... which I haven't done since I was in my 20's (a very long time ago).

I talk a lot at this job, on the phone and to co-workers. There is a lot more stress than I thought. But nevertheless, it shouldn't have caused my throat to hurt as bad as it did. It got to the point I couldn't talk and in the evening, when I brushed my teeth and cleared my throat, there was blood.  After a week of that I decided to go to the hospital.

I don't have health insurance. And the bank account isn't set up for any major medical bills. I knew the hospital would treat me and I could work out a payment plan. 

I had to go on a Saturday because my job requires that I be there Mon-Fri 8:30 am - 5:00 pm.  I get 1/2 hour for lunch, but that isn't time to get medical treatment.

The emergency room prescribed antibiotics, pain pills and a new blood pressure med... as, for some reason, my blood pressure was off the charts.  They kept me until after I fell asleep and my BP went down. And suggested that I go to one of their clinics.

The antibiotics helped so much.  But it was a Z-pack which is only for 5 days.  My throat still hurt but not nearly as bad.  And the blood was gone. 

So I went to the clinic. I couldn't make an appointment with them because of my job.  But they told me if I showed up at 8:30 am on a Saturday I would be "worked" in. I was healthier when I walked in there then after I left.

To make a long story as short as I can... the doctor I saw prescribed meds I couldn't afford, meds that interferred with my blood pressure and another med that was almost exactly the same as one I was all ready taking.

So what do I do now?

I am tired of the pain.  I am glad it isn't constant right now.  But it is only "not" constant because I am not working.  It was constant when I was.  Can't go too long without income, though.  Just don't know what to do.  I am trying very hard to have faith. 

No matter what... since I made that decision in April of 1995, I have lived.  It hasn't always be easy and it hasn't always been fun... but I chose to live and life is a whole basket of experiences. 

I have loved more than I thought I ever would... and I am glad for that... even though it didn't last.  I have met some of the most amazing people in the world.  I am glad that I am back in New Jersey... don't know why I love this place, but I do.  I didn't pick it out as a place to live... ended up here quite accidentally in 1986.  I sure hope I can stay.

I don't have a lot of faith in the medical community... ok, just doctors.  Some are wonderful.  But there are a lot out there that really don't know what they are doing.  AND somewhere along the way these doctors have been taught that they are always right.  Emergency doctors are pretty good.  They seem to know that they don't know everything and can only help you to a point.  Our medical technology and knowledge is amazing.  I just seem to find doctors that 1. Don't listen 2. Think they know everything about everything 3. Forget that just because there is a test or a new med, they should be prescribing it.  Bad day with this stuff today.